Heartbreak as a catalyst to change. Clearly I’m not emotionally, physically or financially good enough now in my current state, so I seek to become, desirable, not insufferable. Change is painful, but so is staying the same. When it comes to love, I feel a bit hopeless, I can fix my financial and physical problems, but how do I fix my emotional? I don’t even know what a successful relationship looks like, save from the outside. Is it normal to desire to block and then unblock a person when just meeting them? Is this a long distance thing? I’m out of my element completely here. But anyway, moving on, to the feeling of rapid anxiety and urgency, and wishing I could change myself in one day. 😅 12:00pm Pain from losing a relationship is temporary, at the end of the day. But regardless it can be a catalyst for good or bad. In this case I want to harness the pain, and use it to create positive momentum in my life, in the past, this kind of pain was a precursor to self destructive habits. In my typical irony, I had a post up on my Instagram, questioning why people Glow up after a relationship, why not be all glowed up during? Why is it that after I lose someone, I’m now all about self development that would have been beneficial during the relationship? I think it’s a matter of uncertainty and certainty. In a relationship, unless well along, you can never really be too certain where it is heading, or to even gauge how much the person likes you. We innately begin to lose interest in those who seem not interested in us. The less clear the others intentions are, the more difficult it is to maintain a high level of enthusiasm. A relationship ending on a bad note however brings certainty. Certainty that you may never see that person ever again, and this certainty, triggers pain. From a place of confusion, to certainty. Morning of the next day, business recap. In total I made $16 for the entire day, one direct sale. During the morning, I lacked a sense of urgency, this is very normal for me, I tend to overestimate how much time I have in a day over and over, I’m becoming more aware, as I become more consistent, I can spot the patterns. The entire day felt distracted and unorganized, especially because I am not going off a schedule as I have in the past, I would like to reintroduce a schedule, but instead of instating a schedule first and for-most, I would like to see how I naturally flow during the day, on a consistent basis that is! Then implement a schedule around that, instead of trying to squeeze myself into the schedule. I started sales very late, I let my excercise drag on a little longer than I should have, after witnessing love handles in the mirror. So I walked for an hour and a half at a rapid rate. As I woke up this morning, I can say those love handles are gone, and I even see some definition! I went to bed on time, no acting out on sexual addiction as I normally would, slept for around 7 hours, feeling good the next day as I type this out.