7:30am. Woke up an hour late 6am. Feeling really lethargic today, last night was very hot, lots of tossing and turning. I’m feeling extreme levels of brain fog, the coffee I’m drinking is not helping. I’ve learned that for myself, monster energy drinks break through my brain fog and create clarity, whereas coffee does not seem to do too much for me. Feeling stressed, and angry, with myself. Our body’s are vehicles that take us to places we want to go, and I feel as though mine has 3 flat tires, could be worse I suppose. The environment here is really starting to get to me, the clutter all around, the lack of anything modern, other than freezers, the decay all around. I’m living in a mad man’s house, which I grew up in, but it’s getting to me a little bit. Nothing makes sense in this house, bathrooms are used for storage, bedroom has bicycles in it, the kitchen is full of flies, no matter how much bug spray I use. What use to be my bedroom is floor to ceiling useless junk as my fathers friend is a hoarder, and those ceilings are over 10 feet high! I vacuum each week but my father refuses to remove his shoes and walks around the house as such, after yard work etc. Thus the carpets are more than disgusting, dead insects everywhere, it’s getting to me a little bit. For me, it’s one thing to be in poverty and not able to take care of your residence, but another thing to willfully let it fall apart and not give a damn about anything, makes my blood boil. But I digress, it is what it is, I’m here because of the decisions that I have made. In the filth and the stink of it all. Here’s to hoping I can pull off a decent day of work, I think as I type this, my mind is clearing a bit, transitioning from brain fog to headache, I can handle that. I do look forward to dropping this addiction, it dominates most of my attentions, whether acting out on the addiction or regretting my actions or worrying about the future if I cannot shrug this thing off my shoulders. Our attention is finite, I suspect the major problems I have now, will be much smaller with less distraction.