Woke up very late today (8am) I should return to track after today, I went through some shhht. When it comes to romance, this was a new experience for me. It was the first time that I’ve truly liked someone in 10 years, and I’ve been through countless women from all around the world, admittedly most online, and not actively seeking or dating. I thought I had reached a point in life, where I was just not interested in women, and that the risk to benifit ratio of being in a relationship was greatly skewed to causing harm rather than good. So I figured being single for life seemed the smarter option, only engaging in casual hookups, nothing serious. Well I felt a spark, and turns out, that I was friendzoned which is odd for me, I’m not use to that. I’ve often felt really bad for the women in my life who pine after me, but I’m just not interested. But I got played, and it happens of course. Her intentions were she needed a friend, and every guy hits on her, me included. Perhaps I gave up too early, as friendships are a Segway into relationships, and indeed I was banking on this in the beginning. But the roller coaster just proved to be too much, especially these days when I’m in this pit. I should say, I am eager to date now, but let’s say with a lot more money, stability and in person, no more online stuff. Maybe move to the Middle East for a little while, and see what’s around. The eagerness stems from the fact, at how willing I was to build myself up for this girl, and step through the doors I was hesitant over? like this blog/journal for example, my re interest in religion, reading the Quran and learning Arabic and Farsi at the same time. My renewed dedication to self improvement when I was otherwise nearly completely burned out, my renewed interest in exercising, and getting proper sleep so I can look good for her, my desire to lose my addictions so I do not embarrass her, and only have eyes for her. The desire to read books on relationships, because I never had anyone who was wise and old to give me advice on women and relationships, like a lot of people I just winged it and learned along the way. But when nearly 50% of marriage ends in divorce, why not continually educate ourselves in the areas of relationships, finding new ways to make our partners happy. So, I now know there are more women out there that are like her, that will help bring out our best qualities, and I honestly cannot wait to meet that person. Today is Friday, my father is away with friends, I’m home alone for the weekend, this is typically when I go all out for direct sales, and try to make up for the week if I’m behind, newsflash! I’m very behind! But from today, I do plan on engaging in more casual conversations, and just start looking for “the one” the sooner I start the better, obviously won’t be a whole lot of interest, the current state Im in, but regardless, time is tiking on our dreams. 11am. Relationships are on the brain. Pride and ego are the absolute death of a romantic relationship. Fuck the red pill dark psychology shit, if you gotta manipulate your partner just to stay with you, then they are never really invested in your life. A relationship needs total raw humiliation and self awareness verging on self humiliation no pride whatsoever. Well, this is what I think, I could be wrong. I’ve yet to actually study the subject, this is just my life experience and observing those around me. If you cannot he completely vulnerable and feel safe to be so around your partner it’s no bueno. If you cannot share feelings with them, that would otherwise drive you to rip the skin off your face in embarrassment when shared to the world, it’s no good.